all i really need to know i learned from my mom

Today is the birthday of one of the greatest women i know. For seven decades, this planet has been better because she has been on it. Admittedly, i have not known her for all seven of those decades, but i have known her for four of them--and am into my fifth--and that pretty much qualifies me as an expert. Regardless, since this is my blog, i get to make the rules!

This special woman is my mom.

Almost every year I get to celebrate my dad's birthday (March 14) with him and my mom in Florida, but i rarely spend my mom's birthday with her. But this year being one of those milestone birthdays, i decided that i needed to celebrate with her.  So, i plotted and schemed with my dad and surprised my mom with a visit. I should note that my mom does not like surprises. At all! But, sometimes you have to break the rules. In fact, i may have learned that lesson from my mom.

As i was preparing for my trip east, i started thinking about a few of the many things that i have learned from my mom over the years. So, i am dedicating this blog post to my mom in thanks for all of the life lessons that she has taught me over the years.

If you have not been blessed to meet my mom let me tell you a few things about her that make her the incredibly beautiful person she is. First of all, my mom is quite possibly the nicest person on the planet. Truly. She is thoughtful, kind, caring, giving, and generous. She never has a mean word to say about anyone -- something that i strive towards every day, though i am certainly not there yet; i keep trying! She has many wonderful friends and she would go to the ends of the earth for any of them, just as she would for her four sisters, my dad, my siblings and me. She is deeply spiritual, insightful and wise and yet she is extremely humble. She has a backyard filled with bird feeders and bird houses and she has a mission to ensure that the birds get the food, and not the squirrels! She keeps dog biscuits in her car and by the front door for the neighbors' dogs. She is an avid golfer and loves getting out there with her ladies, especially the back-nine swingers! She owns a chainsaw (and knows how to use it). And, she makes the world's greatest cookies!

But the point of my blog post today is to share a few of the lessons that i have learned from my mom. So here are just a few, one for each decade that i have known her:

If you do not have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. This one came from Thumper (the rabbit in the movie Bambi) but also from my mom. My mom really modeled this for my siblings and me. I don't think that she has a mean-spirited bone in her body and she always is able to see the good in people. I, on the other hand, am still trying to perfect this one but it is something i aspire to every day.

Don't make someone a priority who only considers you an option. In other words, don't be too available to someone who only has you in their life on their terms. Again, this is not the way that my mom actually said this one, but that was the lesson: respect yourself or no one else will. I have had moments of forgetting this one throughout my life, but it somehow always seems to come back to me (in my mom's voice!). Frankly, I have weeded several people out of my life based on this one and i have absolutely no regrets about that.

Be grateful for what you have. My mom taught this one well, not in a "there are starving children in Africa" kind of way, though there may have been a bit of that, she is a Catholic after all! It was more of a "you have everything you need and more and you are very, very blessed" message that unfortunately some people never learn. This lesson was furthered by the fact that my mom valued people and relationships far more than status or money or things, as is evident to me whenever i spend time with my mom and her friends, especially at her birthday party last night.

Do what you believe is right, and then it does not matter what anyone else thinks. I love this one. It guides just about every decision that i make. In fact, my mom sent me a card with this sentiment on it and i look at it on a regular basis to remind myself of it. It is not about being right, it is about living with conviction and passion and following your heart and not worrying if others do not understand or agree. Part of the reason that i love this one so much is that my mom has always given me the space to live my life in my own way. Always. Even when she has probably not wanted to shake me and ask "What the heck are you thinking?!"

But possibly the greatest lesson i have learned from my mom is actually a gift that she (and my dad) have given to my siblings and me through their unwavering support in the best of times and the most  challenging of times: do what makes you happy! In a world where so many of us have expectations of our family and friends, the only expectation and demand that my mom and dad have put on my sister, my brother and me is to be happy. And thankfully, i am. And for that, mom, i am forever grateful!