Today, i jaywalked.

I have been uncharacteristically quiet since hearing about the shooting of Michael Brown, an unarmed 18-year-old black man who was shot dead on Saturday, August 9, after being stopped for jaywalking in Ferguson, Missouri. 

Yes folks, jaywalking.  

Initially I chose to be silent because I wanted to learn more of the facts. I had only heard the tail end of the news story on the radio. As I learned more about the facts, my silence was the result of my outrage. Not the shock type of “Oh my gosh, I cannot believe that this has happened!” outrage, but the indignant “Are you f*cking kidding me? Again?” kind of outrage. 

And so, for the past ten days I have been stewing silently and trying to sort out what I feel and what I want to say. 

Mind you, of course, that I can choose to be silent. That is part of my privilege. And, if you are white, like me, it is a choice that you may also make—it is part of your privilege. 

Admittedly, ten days of being silent have not provided me with all of the facts. I do not have them, you do not have them. The media does not have them. The Ferguson police department does not have them.  No one has them. And we never will. What we do have, however, are a series of facts that we should be pondering, sharing, and discussing. Facts about Ferguson and facts about America. Here are just a few:

FACT: Ferguson is a majority-black city with a disproportionately white power structure (police and city government). This is not a statistic unique to Ferguson.

FACT: Michael Brown was an unarmed 18-year-old black man, a recent graduate of Normandy High School in St. Louis who was scheduled to start classes at Vatterott College, a Missouri trade college, on Monday, August 11.

FACT: Michael Brown was shot six times from the the front, with two of the bullets having struck him in the head.

FACT: Only 52% of black males graduate from high school and, of those, 65% enroll in a two- or four-year college. Michael Brown was one of them. (Source: Department of Education)

FACT: One in three black men can expect to go to prison in their lifetime. (Source: Bureau of Justice Statistics)

FACT: African Americans are twice as likely to be arrested and almost four times as likely to experience the use of force during encounters with the police. (Source: Department of Justice)

I am not a politician or an activist or a thought leader or an educator or a journalist or a celebrity. I do not pretend to know more than anyone else. I offer these facts because these are the facts that get neglected. These are the facts that get shoved aside. These are the facts that too many Americans do not want to talk about. 

But this is America. We are America. I am an American just as Michael Brown was an American. America is the country that I love and that I am blessed to call home. Yet how can I be a truly proud American in the face of these facts? 

What I KNOW is that if I had been jaywalking with a pack of cigarillos in my hand in Ferguson, Missouri, I would not likely have been stopped by a white police officer and I certainly would not have been shot dead. 

In fact, I jaywalked today in downtown Portland, Oregon. Intentionally. And in doing so, I paused midway across the street to remember Michael Brown and to remind myself that I have the privilege of making such choices without fear. Every. Single. Day. That is not something to take lightly. And, I do not, because Michael Brown did not have the privilege of making choices without fear.

And so it is a responsibility--MY responsibility--to not sit in silence while my sisters and brothers do not have that same privilege to make choices without losing their lives. To not sit in silence because I can, because I am white. To not sit in silence because I fear the judgement of my family and my friends who do not understand or do not care to understand or think that I am on a soapbox about the institutionalized and systemic racism and abuse of power that is rampant in our country. It is my responsibility to acknowledge and share my outrage.

Because until the day when the color of human's skin is of no more significance than the color of her eyes, the dream of lasting peace, world citizenship and the rule of international morality will remain but a fleeting illusion, to be pursued but never attained (to paraphrase the late Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie, full excerpt noted below).

And because, for me, music is how I often make sense of the world and find peace, i offer this, as well as this excerpt from Emperor Haile Selassie's speech to the United Nations in New York on October 4, 1963:

On the question of racial discrimination, the Addis Ababa Conference taught, to those who will learn, this further lesson: That until the philosophy which holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned: That until there are no longer first-class and second class citizens of any nation; That until the color of a man's skin is of no more significance than the color of his eyes; That until the basic human rights are equally guaranteed to all without regard to race; That until that day, the dream of lasting peace and world citizenship and the rule of international morality will remain but a fleeting illusion, to be pursued but never attained; And until the ignoble and unhappy regimes that hold our brothers in Angola, in Mozambique and in South Africa in subhuman bondage have been toppled and destroyed; Until bigotry and prejudice and malicious and inhuman self-interest have been replaced by understanding and tolerance and good-will; Until all Africans stand and speak as free beings, equal in the eyes of all men, as they are in the eyes of Heaven; Until that day, the African continent will not know peace. We Africans will fight, if necessary, and we know that we shall win, as we are confident in the victory of good over evil.

Because there will be no peace without equal rights and justice, my friends. Ever.

In love + light + solidarity,

amy.